Wednesday, July 22, 2009

The Eyeball Rule

When I look back at my life two to three years ago I sometimes shutter. The way I acted towards my guy friends and even words that I used to describe guys, as mild as others may find them, grieves me. Debating which popular Christian rock star was “hottest”, giggling about my crush and swooning, not caring when I was being flirty, and those characterizing “qualities” of the modern jr. high girl. Two years ago God really got a grip on my heart and challenged me to be sold out for Him and to pursue holiness in every area of my life. How I related to guys changed drastically.

One of the things that sparked this change was reading Authentic Beauty by Leslie Ludy. Her husband Eric talks about how when realized that his future wife was out there are actually alive it changed many things for him. A few months previous, he had let God take control of his life in the area of romance and had decided that the next girl he dated would be his wife. One Friday night at a McDonalds with his college buddies, he had a moment of realization about his future wife and that “She’s alive!”

So how did this effect his life? Because of this realization, not only did he have a drive towards purity (as we will address in a later post), he also decided to live his life as if he future wife was with him. And this he called the “Eyeball Rule”.

When we examine our lives and thought lives we often don’t see ourselves honoring God or our future spouses by them. But when we live with a realization for the God that indwells all believers and the fact that we (most likely) have someone out there that we will marry, our actions are shaped.

Realizing the presence of God and the existence of our future spouse is amazing protection against temptations. When we are tempted to flirt, have impure thoughts, watch shows and movies that we should not, lust, and give away our hearts, the reminder of most importantly God’s presence and secondly our future husband can help us fight off temptations.

Above all we are called to a holiness. In Timothy 5:2 Paul commands men to treat younger women as sisters, and that doesn’t apply only to men. We are to treat all men with honor and respect for the sake of God, our future husbands, and the men’s future wives.

Some questions to ask yourself…
  • Do you flirt? Even slightly?
  • Do you use your power as a woman to manipulate or get your way?
  • Do you take advantage of guys?
  • Do you let anyone into your heart and share intimate things with them?
  • Do you watch TV shows and movies that breed lust in your heart?
  • Do you treat guys like brothers?
  • If the guy was married or in a relationship would you treat him the same way?
  • Do you find yourself lusting over good looking guys?


  1. Wonderful post. I was just praying about this, so thank you so much. :)

    Several of my friends met Eric and Leslie Ludy a few weeks ago.


  2. Proverbs 31:10-12 "A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good , not harm, ALL THE DAYS OF HER LIFE." Obviously, I added the capitalization for effect. She brings him good not "all the days she is married", but all the days of her LIFE. I did not understand this concept at your age and I am so excited that you do! I am raising daughters (only 3 and 6 years old) and have begun teaching them that even now they are to act in ways that will bring their husbands "good". Right now that means learning to follow Jesus, to be a keeper of the home, and not play "boyfriend" games that some f Lydia's friends are sadly starting to play. We do allow for playing mommy and house and sometimes that involves a daddy (if she can find a willing participant, otherwise she pretends he's at work providing for her family)...but she is not to have "boyfriends" like some of the other little girls do (even if in name only). As she grows I hope, with the Lord's help, that I can instill concepts of purity of mind, heart, and body. Thanks for your thoughts Olivia! You are truly a beautiful young lady!

  3. It's your wedding day and you're walking down the isle to the man you've decided to give your heart to. But then you hear footsteps behind you. Following you- in your shadow- are all the boys to whom you've given a piece of yourself. In their hands they hold bits you can never get back. Reaching your future husband's side, you offer your heart, but there are pieces missing, because you've already given them away.
    Just like I want my husband's entire heart (aside, of course, from the entirety that's God's) I want to give him my whole heart. Not just the leftovers.

  4. WOW! I love that book by Leslie Ludy! Thank you for the reminder...I definately want to live my life as though my future husband could see me!

  5. I love readiong yalls stuff
    I hate to even ask but can you change the background? It strains my eyes to read the fine blog post font on that brown bkgrd...I appreciate yalls posts, they speak to my heart!

  6. I know I am a guy so its odd that I'm commenting, but I must say how much I love reading things like this. In a world full of lies and deceit it is so encouraging to see godly women striving to honor God and their future husbands in Truth. As a brother in Christ it is also encouraging to know that there are godly women out there that not only preach a message, but live the life. Your husbands will truly be blessed by the character you are forming today. Praise God for His work in you. May you continue to lean hard into His grace and rest in His Sovereign hands.
    -A brother in Him and through Him.


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